The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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