Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
