I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
