The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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