Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
