When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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