doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
