wrigley field is MILF paradise
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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