Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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