Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
