She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
