I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
