I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize