problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
