Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
