I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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