i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dick very happy bro
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize