I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
