I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
