im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
