I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize