so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
