but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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