We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
