Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
