I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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