It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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