I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
