I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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