How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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