This is not my ceiling
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize