he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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