just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize