I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
