Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
