then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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