Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
