Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
