everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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