yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
