Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
