By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
