So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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