i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize