Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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