I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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