you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
