Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A bitchslap is in order.
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