it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
