I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize