Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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