And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
