You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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