New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize