I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
