the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
