I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
do nipples grow back?
Randomize