When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
