if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
