think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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