You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
