we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
