how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
