I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize