I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
